do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
