I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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