Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
