I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
