I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
