that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize