So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
