You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
