Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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