I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
