I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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