I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
