I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
