So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
