he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
