This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
