Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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