It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
