So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
