im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
