Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
