That's intense
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
