He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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