i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
