how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
