He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
