The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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