Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hippo gnu deer
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
