Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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