Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
