Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
