I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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