it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
