He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
