So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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