She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
And then he peed in my hair
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