Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
