Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
