Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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