now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
