who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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