So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
