either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
