I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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