I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
