I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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