Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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