so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
