Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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