I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
