I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
