im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
