She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
