ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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