there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize