you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
