i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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