I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have fence marks all over my body
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize