If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
