my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
