I look better un-naked...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
