I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
