Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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