he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
