I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
