Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
