i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have already put on my inside pants.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
