Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
