Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
