this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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