When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
