Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
