just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
