it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
