bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
