hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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