i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
