I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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