can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are we still banned from the library?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
