She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
