I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
