I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
