alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
