I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize