Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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