i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you would pick up someone in the library
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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