SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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