yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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