sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
