hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
