It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
