remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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