I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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