just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
